Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Awkward Door Conversations

I'm baaack!!! I still haven't decided how I feel about this blogging thing, hence the three month hibernation. But at one point there was a piece of my brain that thought this was a wonderful idea, so maybe it still is.  I've decided to give it a consistent effort for the next few week, and then go from there... So get excited people! You will be hearing a lot more from me for a little while.

Anyways, it has occurred to me that I haven't told you a whole lot about me yet. To fix this problem, I think I will start each blog post with a random fact about me. Today's random fact? I HATE asking for help. I realize that I am not unique in this hatred. I don't know if its  pride, fear of being an annoyance to others, or just a simple need to prove. Regardless, asking for help is one of the things I like least about life.

The reality, however is that only 1/4 of my body works the way it should, and that means that most things take me three times longer to accomplish than the average human. If I went through life without help, I would get absolutely nothing done. Ever. Doors, for example. I am perfectly capable of opening them... It just takes me about ten minutes. Let's be real here, ain't nobody, gimpy or otherwise, got time for that. So, when I encounter a door, which is unfortunately quite often, I suck it up and ask someone to open the door for me. Which brings us to our topic tonight...

When people open doors for me, they frequently feel the need to give me encouragement, compliments, or just general life advice. Here are some of my favorites from this past week alone:

  • "The devil won't win." I didn't think he was going to. Does something about me going through a door suggest he might? I guess we're in agreeance though, so have a nice day buddy.
  • "Be careful." No. I'm going to unstrap myself from my chair and miraculously jump out the window as soon as you let the door close behind me. Thanks so much for opening door to my impending doom.
  • "Your smile lights up the room." I wasn't smiling. I've never seen you before... Thanks for opening the door, mate!
This one's my very favorite...

  • "Your legs are tan... How come they don't work??" ...Because my favorite color is purple!... What?? In what universe... Am I supposed to sit at home and do nothing all by my poor gimpy self, and thus acquire ghost white legs... What?
It should be noted that these conversations were all completely independent of each other, and all happened within the last five days. 

Have a good night wonderful people of the internet. If you are one of the people in the aforementioned encounters...  You have a good night too, my friend!